Rock Bottom

The Hard Truth

At my worst I weighed 340 lbs. THREE HUNDRED AND FORTY POUNDS!!! How did this happen? How did I let this happen? As a 29 year old woman, I have a fatty liver, and I weigh 340 lbs. 

The Diagnosis

I went to my gynecologist’s annual visit 1 year postpartum. I knew I was overweight and needed to look into solutions. I went into this appointment with plans to ask for a reference to a primary care doctor. I was weighed at that appointment. I was 340 lbs. I couldn’t believe I had gained that much weight. In preparation to see the primary care doctor, my gynecologist ordered a full panel of labs. When the labs came back we saw that my liver enzymes (AST and ALT) were elevated. My gynecologist ordered the labs to be repeated and added a hepatitis panel (which of course was negative). Being in the medical field, I messaged to ask them to add a lipid panel. The nurse that responded said the doctor was out and they wouldn’t order the test. When the tests were repeated, my liver enzymes remained elevated. 

I finally got in with a primary care provider about a week after the labs came back. I found this PCP on my own, because the one that I was being referred to did not have any appointments for over a month and I did not want to wait that long. When I saw the new PCP, she ordered an ultrasound and more labs, including the lipid panel that my gynecologists office wouldn’t order. 

When all the results came back, it was determined that I have a Non Alcoholic Fatty Liver, me, at 29 years old. This means that I must lose weight. My doctor wanted me to lose 1-2 lbs a week. She said if I hit a plateau that was fine, but if I start to back slide I will need to get on medicine. I decided then that I will do this. I will lose weight. I have to, for me, for my husband, for my baby. 

Childhood

I want to first say that I don’t blame my parents (for this, there are other things I can fully blame them for, see more about that in the generational curses blog when I finally write it). They did the best they could, or close to it in 1994. But, the only vegetables I ever remember eating were canned green beans, peas, corn, and carrots. The only fruit I remember eating were bananas and apples. We had spaghetti, frozen lasagna, frozen pizza, jambalaya, and pastalia pretty much on a loop since that is the only thing everyone liked to eat. My parents were and are super unhealthy eaters that never exercise. They set bad examples for us. I am hoping to break this cycle. I want to eat and feed my son a variety of healthy foods and show him that people should be exercising regularly.

Being a Teenager and Body Issues

As a teenager I had awful eating habits. No breakfast, protein bar for lunch, a diet pepsi and bag of chips before dance, dance team practice, fast food on the way to dance practice, then dance practice. I wasn’t eating enough, what I was eating was awful for me, and I was exercising for about 3 hours 5 days a week. 

During this time I weighed about 150 lbs. I was fit from dancing, with curves. I had a beautiful body, but I didn’t know it. Looking back on it, I probably had some kind of body dysmorphia. I thought I was huge. When I looked in the mirror or at pictures, all I saw was a fat cow. 

Teens with Bad Habits Turn into Adults with Bad Habits

I blew up when I got to college. The bad eating continued, only I wasn’t dancing anymore. The habits got worse. I never slept, I worked 50ish hours a week, I went out all the time, I somehow made it to class, I was eating who knows what at who knows when, but no more exercise. I have gained weight every year since even though I have gone on and off diets every year since. I had no self control because I was never taught it, only now I’m an adult who has to figure it out myself.  

The Past 2 Years

I got pregnant. During my pregnancy I only gained 6 lbs. My son was born at 26 weeks. Aryi was only 2.5 lbs when born, so I guess that makes sense. After I had Aryi, I was pumping 8 times a day, and eating more than I ever have in my entire life. I was starving all the time. We were going back and forth all the time to the NICU. At first, even though I was eating more than ever, grabbing food on the way to and from the hospital, and not sleeping; I was still losing weight. I lost 15 lbs. 

I stopped pumping about 11 months postpartum. The hunger stuck around even though I wasn’t burning all those calories. I gained 40 lbs back. That brought me up to 340 lbs. 

The Future, My Future, My Family’s Future

I WILL do better! I WILL get healthy! I want to see my son grow up, graduate, get married, and have his own children. I want to be there for all of the tiny little moments that make life worth living. I don’t want to miss anything. I want to be capable of running after my son, of doing all the active things he will want to get into. I know the journey will be long and hard, and probably over the course of years. But, I NEED to change. I NEED to do better.